Having children and marital happiness

Here is a great video by a couple – Rufus Griscom + Alisa Volkman.  They share very candidly what they consider to be the 5 taboos that no one wants to talk about when they have children.  Their point is related to why people who hae children don’t actually tell the truth to those who are considering it.  It is one of the most important long term decisions that any person can make and yet it is largely surrounded by a large layer of bullshit, when it comes to the impact on your life and the impact on your happiness as a couple.

Watch the video here.

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Stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to breed

This has been a topic that has come into conversation a few times over the past weeks.  Here in The Netherlands you need permission/licence for almost everything – you need to do an exam to play golf!  However the single most important thing you can do, which is to have children, is completely unregulated universally.  Why?

I’ve heard the argument that it is a fundamental human right, but so is the right to keep living and that gets abused/taken away across the globe, daily.  When I become the benevolent dictator of the world, one of the first things that I will do is require every couple to pass a test and only should they pass, can they breed.  My proposition is simple – Stupid people wont be allowed to breed!

I can already hear the first howls of  “who are you to decide the standard”, well the answer is simple, it already exists and it is already accepted by a significant number of societies.  Go and try to adopt a child from another land and you will see what I mean.

There is also the old chestnut of  “Why do you think you can play God”.  Historically nature and circumstances proved the cull of stupid people.  They would get too close to a wild animal, they would get killed by marauding tribesmen, they would fall into bear pits or die from eating something that they shouldn’t have.  Due to our ‘enlightened’ way of living, we have saved stupid people from themselves by eliminating many of the dangers that would have sorted them out previously and from this secure position, they breed – prolifically! 

There is a huge upside to preventing stupid people from reproducing.  Just think about it.  Within 2 generations the amount of money that could be saved in not having to provide resources, programs, govt departments to support these folks would be considerable.  TV would change forever because there wouldn’t be an audience for Fox News and Big Brother. Your child would be in a class of 15 other well adapted children who want to learn instead of being one of the five out of 30 today.  We wouldn’t live in a world where the current predominant culture has been ‘dummed down’ to the point where a significant majority have lost the ability to reason for themselves and their immediate reaction to someone who is fractionally brighter and dares disagree, is to label them as “Left wing, commie, gay, atheist”, not realising that in doing so, the joke is on them.

And the very best thing – we could even end up with decent politicians.

Diaspora and families

Very recently I had time to think on this subject, in relation to my family and the impact.  When I really understood it, it came as a surprise.  I’ll explain.

Growing up in NZ we had no family whatsoever from my father’s side who had come to NZ as a refugee following WW2.  The only family was on my mother’s side.  My mother was one of four sisters and being the youngest, her sisters all had children older than my brother and I.  I remember a lot of occasions where the family would come together for one reason or another.  So there was the 4 sisters, their respective husbands and children.  Between the 4 sisters there was 11 children (I think).  We all used to play together quite well but it was only on those occasions.  To my knowledge, each of those 11 children also had children.  So over the space of 3 generations there has been something like 30+ family members in the extended family.  The total is a pure guesstimate as I don’t actually know for sure, and this is what got me thinking.

We all came together because of the bond between those four sisters.  My mother was the first of the 4 to die some 25 years ago and the last one died 3 days ago.  That death feels like a door has been shut on a whole branch of a family.  To my knowledge there is very limited interaction between the first generation of the 4 sisters and there is absolutely zero interaction between the 3rd generation.  I have absolutely no idea what there names are, where they live, what they do and if they are even alive.  Now, cynics amongst you could think at this point “well thats just Paul, he doesn’t give a shit”, which to a degree you would be correct.  However my brother who still lives in NZ, finds families to be quite important and I know from my conversations with him that he doesn’t have any contact either.

So in the short space of 3 generations, a family that was bought up through very tough times (the 4 sisters) where closeness and dependibility were factors that helped you to survive as a group has evaporated to the point that my own 2 children who are now 11 and 9 have absolutely no idea or concept that they are indeed part of a bigger family.  f course you can say shame on me, but the truth is (and that is the point of this post) I have no idea who they are or where they are.

On my fathers side, it is a similar story.  He really has only the 1 brother with 3 children, which we have no contact with primarily because we dont speak Yugoslav and they dont speak English.  So once either my father or his brother dies, that will close that door as well.

The summary of this little tale is that I owe to my children to try and find some sort of thread or information to help them get in touch with the fact they are really just one part of a much bigger picture.