Treacherous Roads Part of Almighty’s Strategy, Says Televangelist

Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in the broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”

Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.”

Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”

As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”

It’s good to know that no matter how fucking stupid you are there is always a good career waiting for you in America.  Remember this man earns considerable sums of money because people willingly donate so they can continue to recieve this type of wisdom.

The paradox of information

We have access to more information now than any other time in history, but you could argue that the truth is covered with more bullshit than ever before.  This morning I read the following in an article in the FT;

“Pope Benedict said the world economic crisis demonstrated the need for greater moral responsibility in running the global financial system.  The Church had often ‘left concrete economic things to the world ….. without realising that there was an implicit global responsibility”.

What pure, utter bullshit!!

Here is a very small excerpt from a book by Avro Manhattan – “The Vatican Billions”

 “The Catholic church is the biggest financial power, wealth accumulator and property owner in existence. She is a greater possessor of material riches than any other single institution, corporation, bank, giant trust, government or state of the whole globe. The pope, as the visible ruler of this immense amassment of wealth, is consequently the richest individual of the twentieth century. No one can realistically assess how much he is worth in terms of billions of dollars.”

 “The Vatican’s treasure of solid gold has been estimated by the United Nations World Magazine to amount to several billion dollars. A large bulk of this is stored in gold ingots with the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank, while banks in England and Switzerland hold the rest. But this is just a small portion of the wealth of the Vatican, which in the U.S. alone, is greater than that of the five wealthiest giant corporations of the country. When to that is added all the real estate, property, stocks and shares abroad, then the staggering accumulation of the wealth of the Catholic church becomes so formidable as to defy any rational assessment.”

“Petty gossip of the moment”

What a wonderful use of ‘understatement’,  to deflect the criticism and anger directed at the Catholic Church about the number of boys, over the many years who have experienced ‘Gods grace’ by either a mouthful of semen or a sore expanded anus, courtesy of the local parish priest.

It certainly gives the rest of us a wide latitude to reject accountability for any actions that we might be called on to explain.  Simply put on some very shiny gowns, hang a big cross around your neck and in a quiet reflective voice let it be known that you choose not to react to “petty gossip of the moment”.  Fucking brilliant.

Paedophilia and the Catholic Church

If you consider (seriously) the Church’s claim to represent God on Earth and then the trust and respect that it expects from the faithful, the institutions response to the current crisis is interesting.

Having papal spokesman hinting at an ‘anti-Catholic’ plot and complaining that the church is being unfairly treated because paedophilia is common, forces a re-think about wether or not their franchise has expired.

It might also be valuable for them to recall earlier abuses of clerical power that greatly angered an itinerant preacher in Palestine some 2000 years ago.

Totally Stress Free Christmas in 6 easy steps

Perhaps some 20 years ago I decided that the stress associated with Xmas, I needed to avoid.  The reason for me was simple, I no longer felt that it was a season of joy and peace, more a season of increased frustration and increasing levels insanity.  I think the moment that this really began to crystallise was when I worked with someone who spent so much on her credit card for Xmas presents, that it took the following 12 months to pay the debt off, only to start all over again – what for?  When you take all of this and reflect that in fact, the christian population is celebrating an event that didn’t actually occur on December 25, but on January 7, I reached a personal conclusion that I was wasting my time.  This is a personal stance only and for those who choose to go the ‘whole hog’ –  respect!

So for any of you that truly want a completely stress free Xmas, here are my 6 tried and trusted steps:

1. Don’t buy and/or send Xmas cards.

2. Purchase your gifts for your real loved ones via the internet and have them delivered.  This avoids going anywhere near a shop.

3. Get the kids to put up the Xmas tree on Dec 24.

4. Keep television turned off throughout the entire period.

5. Avoid going to anyones place on Xmas Day, who you honestly don’t want to spend the day with which includes obligatory lunch/dinners with families that result in frustration and arguments.

6. Have the same children take down the Xmas tree by Dec 31.

For those Catholics out there

Newly-wed Roman Catholic couples are being encouraged to say a special prayer together before having sex.   The specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love is aimed at ‘purifying their intentions’ so the act is not about selfishness or hedonism. 

I am keen to read what is in the prayer when it is clear that a bit of ‘anal’ is on the agenda.

So there you go, get praying you sinners!!