“I am sorry, could you please repeat that?”

It is not often that something leaves me with my mouth gaping open as I struggle for something to say, but the following quote made by Jack Ablin succeeded.  The BBC news item is titled  ‘Dow industrials hit pre-crash 13,000 landmark’.  Mr Ablin’s astonishing intellect was bought to bear and the remarkable insight that has been reported, is as follows;

“I think it’s a momentous day for investor confidence,” said Jack Ablin, chief investment officer at Harris Private Bank.

“What this number implies is that the financial crisis, that we were all losing sleep over, it never happened because now we’re back.”

I am sure that I heard a collective cheer echoing around the world from the millions of unemployed and homeless who suddenly realised that actually the financial crisis never happened and they can all go back to their previous lives.

Some final considered advice.  If you have any money in Harris Private Bank, it might be a good move to take out as soon as you can before Mr Ablin invests it.

To read the news article click this link.

To leave your thoughts on Jack’s Facebook page you can go here

Or you can read Jack’s bio here

You sexy little Chihuahua!

When you think you have heard everything, here is one I bet you haven’t heard of.

A wheel-chair bound drug addict has been jailed for 10 years for having sex with a Chihuahua while high on crystal meth.  The 55-year-old has been jailed for 10 years and has been registered as a sex offender.

You can read about it here.  Perhaps it was the big adorable eyes that got him!

Obedient Wives Club

The OWC began in Malaysia but now has branches in the UK, Australia, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Singapore and Indonesia.  It is a Muslim organisation that claims it can curb things like prostitution and infidelity by showing Muslim women how to be more submissive and keep their husbands happy in the bedroom, encouraging them to behave like “a first class whore” with their husbands if they want their marriages to succeed.

 A group called Global Ikhwan launched the club, which also goes by the name the Global Polygamy Club.  They claim to have 3,000 members globally of which 800 are in polygamous relationships.

You can of course check out the Facebook page.

True Entrepreneurial Mindset

Following is an article that came via a daily newsfeed.  You have to award 10 points for entreprenurial flair and leveraging cheap airfares.

Cheap air tickets allow prostitutes to operate at Schiphol

Friday 29 July 2011

Cheap plane tickets have led to the development of a ‘red light district’ in
the departure areas of Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport, with working girls plying
their trade in the toilets and transit hotels, airport staff have told the
Telegraaf.

The women fly in, pick up transfer passengers or those with delayed flights,
and sometimes fly back the same day, the paper says.

Immigration police say they can only intervene if a formal complaint has been
made, which has not yet happened.

The airport has two hotels behind customs and security lines, which offer
cheap daily room hire rates for passengers who want to rest or wash during the
day, the paper points out.

 

“Animal Friendly Meat”

Here is the content of the email that I was compelled to write to a sandwich manufacture here in Holland.

Last week as I transited through Schiphol I purchased on of your sandwiches and I am compelled to inquire about the reasoning for adding a sticker stating “Animal Friendly Meat”.  I have assumed that someone has suggested that this is a great idea because you have actually done it, however if English is not your first language, you may want to reconsider this.  Essentially you have used an oxymoron which is a rhetorical device in which two contradictory words are used together.
The implication of the term “Animal Friendly Meat” is that the farmer made friends with the animal before butchering it for your sandwiches which is implies a significant level of insincerity on behalf of the farmer.  It also leads the purchaser of the sandwich to consider to what degree the friendship developed prior to your order for fresh meat being recieved.

It is also worth sharing with you that when I asked the shop attendant at the counter the degree of friendliness involved she said “Oh god, you wouldn’t believe the amount of comments we get”. 

I am sure that this was a well thought through marketing based decision, but it is one that you may want to re-consider because it doesn’t exactly add ‘brand value’.

regards,

Paul Draskovich

Jerusalem rabbis ‘condemn dog to death by stoning’

God bless idiots

A Jewish rabbinical court condemned to death by stoning a
stray dog it feared was the reincarnation of a lawyer who insulted its judges,
reports say.

The dog entered the Jerusalem financial court several weeks ago and would not
leave, reports Israeli website Ynet.

It reminded a judge of a curse passed on a now deceased secular lawyer about
20 years ago, when judges bid his spirit to enter the body of a dog.

A court manager told Israeli daily Yediot Aharonot the stoning had been
ordered as “as an appropriate way to ‘get back at’ the spirit which entered the
poor dog”, according to Ynet.

Treacherous Roads Part of Almighty’s Strategy, Says Televangelist

Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in the broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”

Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.”

Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”

As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”

It’s good to know that no matter how fucking stupid you are there is always a good career waiting for you in America.  Remember this man earns considerable sums of money because people willingly donate so they can continue to recieve this type of wisdom.